Q: I know you are a comedian, but we also need a magician. Do you know any magic tricks?
A: Yes–I can make my ambition and self-esteem disappear.
Q: This website seems really low-rent. Did you make it yourself?
A: Obviously, you have never been to Art School–you just don’t get it. No, I didn’t make this website. I paid to have it done by a political prisoner in China. (A 12 year old boy who deviated from the state-approved forms of Yoga.)
Q: What is the three digit security code for your Visa card? (I need to know in order to settle a bet.)
A: Ah yes, greetings to my fans in Russia.
Q: Do you own your own touring bus?
A: No, but I do lease bus space through Greyhound (usually just one seat.)